Home > avoidant, book, family > Everybody hurts

Everybody hurts

Today, on the phone, my mother mentioned the text I gave them last week-end, the text that describes some characteristics of AvPD. She said that I’m “just shy” and that I don’t correspond to the characteristics because bla bla bla.  She even hurt me because she doesn’t know how I handle what she says to me, what people say to me.
Here’s a great passage of the book that explains what I mean:

“Thinking According Exclusive Causes”
Avoidants who think this way are effectively blind to alternative explanations for their beliefs. This blindness is selective. Though they see the possibility (you can remove “possibility”) of negativity in all positivity, they rarely (I’d say “never”) if ever open their minds to the possibility of positivity in those situations they perceive as being completely negative”.” (p.158)
In a nutshell: Whatever you say, no matter if you think it’s positive, neutral or negative, I always take it as something negative. Always. With no possibility to see anything else but negativity. Nothing good can come from you.
I know that, I acknowledge it and I can do nothing with it. I just know. Very useful. lol

… I think that my parents imagine the characteristics pushed at their extreme; they probably imagine that a person with AvPD never goes out (although, I never go out) and cannot fit in with the crowd at all, cannot bear at all to be around people. I’m sure they have this extreme conception of people with AvPD.
So, as it’s written in the book I read on AvPD, she minimizes the situation, “dismissing the avoidance as normal shyness, reticence, unfriendliness, cliquishness..”  It’s understandable.
But I have AvPD. I don’t want to. Who would like to have a disorder? I certainly don’t. My depression is enough, I don’t need more troubles. On the other hand, I’ve had  AvPD for at least 10 years. I’ve been like that for years, except that the situation is getting worse and worse as time goes by.
At one point I told my mother “I have the characteristics written ont the text”, she didn’t get it. I didn’t insist because I don’t want to spoil their coming days: Father’s day + my father’s b-day + my father’s retirement.
I’ll tell them next week.

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