Home > avoidant, book > Any other good advice?

Any other good advice?

Blaming others less and themselves more can seem like a bad idea for avoidants with low self-esteem. However, while their self-esteem might temporarily fall as a result of the increased self-blame, it will predictably soon rise again as new, satisfactory, rewarding relationships develop with people who now find the avoidant more likeable simply because he or she is action more likeably.” (p.262)

Sure, put all the blame on me. I’m responsible of everything. Yep. Ah, you know what? If I’m that bad, I don’t want people to approach me anymore. I should avoid people even more than I do right now retreat myself somewhere far away from people; I’m so bad to them, I’m the one who causes them trouble. They are not causing me any trouble at all, noooooooooo. You’re Wrong. You’re Wrong. As always. I am not the one who’s suffering. They are. You’re kidding me? Well, they look more than fine to me and not disturbed at all.
I’m sure people would see me more likeable, if I take all the blame on my shoulders. Of course, they’d like me. ‘come on, beat me, you’ll feel better!

Also, first, if I put the blame on others it’s on those kids who I knew when I was younger. They are not responsible of everything. I grant you that. Let’s say: 90%. They took advantage of the situation because I wasn’t really strong (my 10%. It’s my fault if I am weak and attract bad people to be pulled down by them, okay. No prob).
Second, I do not blame people who hurt me *now*. They simply hurt me voluntarily or unvolutarily. If I am aggressive with them it is just a way to make us even – at least from my point of view, not from the others’ point of view who just see in me someone who’s cold, distant and aggressive. So yes, I’m bad but they are bad too. And I will not let them hurt me without reacting. It is out of question. It’s my only way to defend myself. If I don’t react they’ll pull me down and I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get over it.

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  1. January 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm

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