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Group session #7

I was the one who wasn’t sure I’d stay for all the group sessions and so far I am the one who has never missed a session. Very probably because it is the only occasion I have to be with people, to talk a little.

I don’t have much to say about this session, I didn’t leave the session with plenty of questions in my head. I just have to keep on doing what I’m doing. I think I’m on the the right track.

I talked about my archer, George. In a previous post I was explaining how I reproduced my behavior on him – he acted like me, avoided people although he needed to be with people; now it’s all different. George is now More Than Great, he is very strong, very powerful, very very. lol So there’s no reason for me to be ashamed of him, on the contrary! He shows off! He’s so great, he sends call to create groups, answers to calls and he never disappointed and I don’t think at all that he disappointed the other players. He is So Great now!! I love him!! He made friends, they call and want to fight on his side because it’s cool to be with my archer! He has a higher level than theirs. It’s really day and night: before and now, when he was a regular cra and now he’s Super Powerful! Ah, today I had to kill an ally again – he was totally useless and was even helping the enemy..he is level 104 but it doesn’t prevent him from being stupid and inefficient in battle.

I also talked about my fight against my ANTS. Did I already mention my ANTS? I don’t remember. Well, every time an Automatic Negative Thought comes to my mind I say (at loud, when I can)  “Stop, you are a ANT and you are just old negative, exaggerated irrational and unhealthy lies. Go away.” It works pretty well. A therapist suggested that I could start working on APTs (pronounced “apes”): Automatic Positive Thoughts. lol It’s not a bad idea at all! I am turning my back from all the negative stuffs and I’ll get rid of them peacefully and calmly just by being positive and by thinking “positive”. If before I assimilated ANTS, I can now assimilate APTS. :-DD

I also mentioned this LJ. A place where I write down my thoughts, where I dissect my behaviors, thoughts…    Introspection.

Finally, I mentioned the problem I have with the Boss of the ANTs: If I don’t hear this Big ANT telling me that people always say bad things about me, how can I tell it to shut up? Moreover, I can’t predict when people will talk about me and, even worse, I can’t ask people to shut up. One girl asked me if I took every comments like a blow.
Girl: – Does it hurt you even when someone tells you that you are pretty?
Me:  – Yes.
Girl: – that sucks.
Me : -I know.
Therapist: – And how do you react if I tell you that you are pretty?
Me: – It hurts. :-/// Mentally because you attack me, and physically too.

And STOP playing! it’s not a game!! lol  “how do you react if I tell you…?” Are you kidding me?! It’s not a game!! lol  It hurts!!!!!!
Ah and I managed to control myself: no more nodding head or shaking legs. (^_^) V   I can’t do much to prevent my ribcage from contracting itself…but I can take a deep breath and breathe with my belly. I don’t know if it really works but that’s all I’ve found for the moment.

One more thing: I said that even if they don’t have the impression that I am doing much, I am. Just by being with them. I try to put in practice what I learned. The 2 therapists shook heads meaning that they know I am working on my case. They noticed it. I don’t know how but they noticed it.

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  1. January 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm

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