Bla bla bla

This afternoon, as I was looking online for some books about AvPD, I read again the description of people suffering from AvPD. There is not a single symptom that I don’t have. Impressive! LOL Ah when I do something, it’s everything or nothing!

  • Hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection
  • Self-imposed social isolation
  • Extreme shyness in social situations, though feels a strong desire for close relationships
  • Avoids physical contact. because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus: I’m not aware of that.
  • Avoids interpersonal relationships
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Severe low self-esteem
  • Self loathing
  • Mistrust of others
  • Emotional distancing related to intimacy
  • Highly self-conscious
  • Self-critical about their problems relating to others
  • Problems in occupational functioning
  • Lonely self-perception
  • Feeling inferior to others
  • Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thought

Also I realized that what I wrote in the previous post is typical of AvPDs. To progress, I have to face failure. I am taking risks when getting in contact with people, so far everything’s been okay but at one point, something will very probably go wrong and it’s at that moment that I have to be strong and fight against myself. There is a great probability that these changes won’t be as easy as pie. I’ll be hurt. All this to say that since I’m okay right now, I haven’t done anything significant yet. I want to get better but I’m not really excited at the idea of getting badly hurt but I don’t have the choice. :-(( I guess that the toughtest times of my life are about to come!

It’s been 2 weeks since my last therapy session. I didn’t know I would feel like this but it’s like they left me all by myself – actually, I sincerely never thought that the therapists were ever interested in my case, they are “yeah, yeah…talk to the hand”. They just do they job. They are paid, that’s all matter to them.
Right now, I feel like naked. Luckily I have the OSA that keeps me busy!! Without it it would be much worse.
Tonight is the French meeting but Manuela gave me work at the very last minute this afternoon and of course it had to be done before, at 7pm I was still at the Uni and not motivated at all to drive 45 minutes to go to this meeting. Plus I needed to do grocery shopping.

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