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Lack of motivation

November 20, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

I don’t want. If I can sum up what I feel it would be: “I don’t want”. I don’t want to go out today. I don’t want to go to this karaoke party. I don’t want to go out.
It’s amazing how the medications control me. It’s been one week now that I reduced my Wellbutrin to 300mg – before I was taking every other day 300/450mg. I can feel the difference. Oh yeah. I feel very very bad. On Wednesday I’ll reduce to 150mg!! and take in the same time the minimal dose of another antidepressant: Celexa. I’ll take the minimal dose of the 2 meds together for one week; then I completely stop Wellbutrin. Yes, I switch. Since Wellbutrin may cause my dramatic hair loss, I prefer to stop taking this meds and take another one instead. I could have stopped completely Wellbutrin, wait a week and then begin the new medications – that’s what they do sometimes when people switch antidepressants – but I can’t picture myself without any medication. At 300mg I don’t feel fine at all so..imagine at zero!
I saw my endocrinologist yesterday, she prescribed me another blood test and told me to keep on taking the pills I’m taking: biotin (1 000%, etc…).
My obstetrician, my dermatologist and my  endocrinologist can do nothing to help me stop this dramatic hair loss. Nothing. “Keep on taking your pills”. It’s been 3 weeks now and there’s no sign of improvement at all. No sign. And I have to be positive! Come on! I’m getting bald! For Xmas, I want a whig.

These last 2 weeks I feel uglier than ever to the point that I don’t want to get out because of how I look. I even seriously thought about not going to the therapy sessions because I felt so ugly and hideous. Poor guys who had to look at me for an hour and half.
I have holes on my scalp with no hair, I have acne, no breast and a stoop. Any other offers????
… and I should be happy.

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