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Stand-by

I got the feeling that I don’t do anything anymore to get better besides taking my medication and going to the therapy sessions. I understand that at the beginning I had to give a big kick but now I’m scared that I’m back to normal. And normal is not good to me. With the winter (when the sun goes down at 4h15) I really really don’t want to get out past that time. Before my parents came, I didn’t go to activities – Winter isn’t for me. Now that my parents are gone I hope to go back to my cruising speed and stick to it. Yesterday I registered for 5 activities for this month – I already went to one.
As far as my ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) are concerned, I don’t have any more BIG monstruous ANTS. What’s left are common ANTS such “I can’t do that”, “I’m ugly…” and they are so numerous that I’m pretty sure that I don’t notice them anymore. I plan to devote a day at hunting those basic ANTS; write down every one of them and turn the table on them. One busy day ahead!! I seriously need to work again against my ANTS ‘cos I’ve got ANTS. I’ve got the feeling that I gave up my fight – it’s difficult and exhausting to fight!

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