I’ve been very positive lately. I’ve never been that positive before. I even catch myself smiling while taking my shower in the morning!
At the therapy group sessions, lately I’ve been looking for some reassurance and comfort. As if I needed to be told that I’m doing good.
As I said to them, I’ve been working hard to get better and I have to admit that I thought it would have been much more difficult. Not that it is easy but I thought it would have much harder than that. And the fact that it is not very difficult makes me think that at the beginning I wasn’t really suffering from clinical depression and that I wanted to commit suicide. That all that was a fucking joke. How could you explain that after a year I’m doing already all these stuffs if I wasn’t at first very ill?!?!  But in the same time I know that it was a very serious and dangerous clinical depression and that I seriously thought to kill myself – I had my plan and everything.
What they told me is that if I have this feeling it’s because I’ve been working hard for a whole year and it pays off.

In a year, I missed only one single group therapy session because I had an appointment with a doctor.
I take both group and individual therapy session every single week.
I learned about AvPD – and without this knowledge I wouldn’t have known where to start in order to recover.
I go out and hang out with some people at least once a week – movie, hiking, board game nights, parties, French meeting.
I go to the restaurant alone every single week.
+ the meditation class and the class “a journey into consciousness”
I read books about self-improvement. Like the OSA (Overcoming Social Anxiety). Now that I’m done with this program, I can see that it really really really helped me. I have still several books to read about all this.

It pays off already. A little but it shows me that I’m on the right track.

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