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Group session/AvPD-shyness

Last Wednesday, I finally said to the members of my group therapy what I’ve been keeping for myself. It wasn’t easy at all – I cried a little but not as much as I thought I would cry. I felt bad and under scrutiny during the entire session. When the session was over, I kind of tried to hide my breast. I was ashamed. I felt bad for the following hour and then poufff…vanished! As if nothing has ever happened, as if I didn’t tell them my secrets. All this vanished! I thought about this today – on my way to the meeting – how I would feel, how I would face them against now they know. To my great surprise, I didn’t think about it At All. It was a normal meeting – I didn’t feel especially ashamed, I didn’t feel like hiding. I was more in the state of mind: “If you don’t like me, if you don’t want to see me, you can leave. I don’t care. Actually, it would be better for both of us, if you could leave”. My reaction really really surprises me. I thought I would be very uncomfortable around them or threatened. It wasn’t the case at all. I don’t get it, to tell you the truth. I don’t understand how I could be that “cool” after having given weapons and ammunitions to destroy me to the members of the group. I don’t get it. I feared soooo much their animosity.
That’s a HUGE progress! It also shows me that what I think of people is wrong. >.< but it’s part of the process.

Also, the therapist made comments to each of us. It’s only now that he makes me doubt about things I considered as certain and this for months. For instance, he told me that he never diagnosed that I was suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder. Actually, he told me that he thinks I’m just shy. O.o
He let me say, and this for weeks and weeks, that I am suffering from AvPD to finally tell me now that I may be wrong/right. He thinks I use it as an excuse, as a defense mechanism. In THE book about AvPD, there may be 2 or 3 sentences that don’t correspond to my situation, beside those 2, 3 sentences, all the sentences of the 296 pages of the book are about Me. It’s my biography!! To this, my therapy answered: “yes, and there’s this great book, The Bible, where I can see myself..”. -_-  I don’t *want* to have AvPD but since I know I have this AvPD, all makes sense. Why I do this or that, what is my logic… it all makes sense.
What if he was right????????? What would it change for me?

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