Home > avoidant, therapy-summer10 > Last group session for the summer

Last group session for the summer

I volunteered to speak first. We kind of have to do a wrap up of the summer therapy sessions.
Let’s see what were my objectives when I started this group therapy for the summer. Errr… I very probably said that I would like to open up, to be able to talk about myself without feeling bad or ridiculed, pulled down and that I would like to get some self-esteem (yeah, still this self-esteem issue).

I succeeded in talking about myself to a small group. I told them things nobody knew but my mother and my father. It was difficult to pronounce those words. Very difficult but I did. I did what I thought I would never never never be able to do. :-D And most surprisingly – and that, I still don’t understand it – I feel okay when I am around these people despite the fact that they know what I’m most ashamed of. I thought I would despise them for life and wish them bad but no. You know what? I don’t even try to hide. I’m normal. I can’t believe it.   O.o
It’s been a while since somebody’s comment has hurt my feelings. I can’t remember when was the last time it happened. I noticed that what I tend to do is to expose my situation in such a way that it’s difficult for others to make suggestions (to help me). ^.^ I’m crafty. It reveals that I’m still scared of critics. But! I made progress too in this field! During this last group therapy, everybody made a comment about me except one therapist and I really really really wanted to know what he was thinking, what were his advices for me. Therefore, when the session was almost done, I asked for his feed-back. A girl pinched herself – she couldn’t believe I *asked* for a feed-back. It shows that I begin to consider them as not always bad but as useful tips to help me in my recovery.

Their advices:

  • keep on the good work
  • review the labels I use such as: avoidant (in other words, I shouldn’t consider myself as suffering from AvPD), self-esteem, hope, etc.
  • ask myself the right questions >.<   so easy to do, you have no idea! ;_;
  • find what can make me happy

What I learned about myself: that I’m determined and (for some things) I don’t give up. I’ve been working hard to make my life better, even thought there are periods of calm. I move forward, I move forward.

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