Fall pot pourri

September 28, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Seriously, I don’t know what to do now, what to work on. Since I asked myself a lot of wrong questions, I don’t know anymore what to do. Any suggestion? I understand now that there’s no magic bullet to get self-esteem, self-confidence, “self-everything” as I call it because there are just outcomes of actions.
What I noticed also is that I see life thought pink colored glasses. I’m aware of that. Even with the minimal dosage of medication, it’s “wow…awesome”. I bet that I’ll have to be well prepared to face reality once I’ll stop these medications. I’ll use the OSA program – it will be very useful. But I’m not there yet. There’s still a long way to go.
Oh, my therapists wanted to know what I meant by “self-esteem” and “hope”. So here it is:
Hope= broken promise;
Self-esteem=to accept myself with my flaws.

Also, I tend more and more to accept compliments. I guess it’s because I have a better opinion of myself (don’t ask me how I did it, I have noooooo idea). When people say something nice, I don’t reject them but instead I think that they may be right since I, in part, think there’s a part that is true in what they say. So, I don’t perceive it as a negative message and as it’s not a negative message it must be a positive one. It’s difficult though because my first reaction is BOOM (I counter attack) and then OOPS (I think ^.^).

John joined the therapy group. I loooove him. No seriously, I missed him. I’m so glad he’s back. We’re back with our face-to-face thing. I love it! lol Always very interesting comments and inputs and he knows me as we’ve already had 2 semesters together I think. or maybe 3. Right now, I LOVE my therapy group, I feel so comfortable around these people (all guys). There’s one I know since my very very first group, I met 2 others at my second group (I love those two, they really make you think), 2 I met last semesters and a new gay guy who looks sexy and very cool. I mean, they are people I know already and it’s awesome because they know me well enough to know how to push me, how to challenge me as A did recently.
You know what? I feel the need to reiterate my feat and tell all of them my little secret because right now in this configuration, there’s only 2 members who know it. Plus the therapists. I’ll do it. One day. Very quickly. No need to linger on it again.

A nice passage from a book about the art of meditation that my mother sent me:

“Peu importe que le chemin soit long, il ne sert à rien de se fixer une date limite, l’essentiel étant de savoir que l’on va dans la bonne direction. En outre, le progrès spirituel n’est pas une affaire de “tout ou rien”. Chaque pas, chaque étape apporte son lot de satisfaction et contribue à l’épanouissement intérieur.
Pour résumer, ce qui compte, ce n’est pas de faire de temps à autre quelques expériences éphémères mais de voir, au bout de plusieurs mois ou de plusieurs années de pratique, que l’on a changé de façon durable et profonde”. (p.44)

” It does not matter that the way is long, there’s no use to set a deadline, the most important is to know that one goes in the right direction. Moreover, spiritual progress  is not a business of  “all or none”. Each step, each stage brings its batch of satisfaction and contributes to interior blooming. To summarize, what matters is not to make once in a while some transitory experiments but to see, at the end of several months or several years of practice, that one changed in a durable and profound way”

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