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Social Anxiety?

September 30, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I’m the only girl in my group therapy this semester. That’s cool. It doesn’t bother me at all.
I talked about the fact that on Tuesday I completely cut myself off from the people I was with, while we were waiting for the concert to start  –> I was avoiding eye-contact with everybody so that those who wanted to try to talk to me, changed their mind.
One new member said that sometimes he acts like this and he calls that Social Anxiety. When he pronounced these words, I could see a Very large smile on one of the therapist’s face; ah and he was raising his eyebrows too. I took that as a: “Yeah! That’s Social Anxiety!” I know that SA happens in particular situations contrary to the symptoms of avoidants which are permanent and not occasional. Maybe I suffer from SA when I’m alone in a huge crowd. Looking at the smiling therapist I said: “So, you’re saying I have SA?” And the other therapist said right away: “Oh you’re proud of you B, now she thinks she has SA!” Maybe I’m hypochondriac?!? No, because i don’t have SA and I don’t want to. So, no thank you.
The therapists really really really don’t like me thinking that I have AvPD – although I didn’t mention it during this session, they said that avoidants don’t go to concerts. -__- They do; some of them are even married (that, still, I don’t understand how they can be called avoidants O.0). A guy (A) told me that he noticed a change. Although I failed at achieving my goal; my goal was this time different from the previous goals I set to myself. Before, my goals were to check on a list: “try to talk to somebody, etc..”; this time it wasn’t something to check on a list but I wanted to be like everybody else. Aaah, it’s difficult to explain – I didn’t go there to do an exercise (“try to talk to somebody”) but to actually talk to somebody. I failed at both though. Maybe it was too much at the same time and for too long. Nevertheless, it completely ruined my concert, I was angry at myself and I didn’t enjoy the show – if the band could do it again, that would be nice. The therapist said that it was the first time that I admitted that I was not happy being alone and isolated. It goes against the logic “that’s me, that’s who I am, you can’t change it”. If it was really me, I wouldn’t complain about it or be angry at myself but say “hey, that’s how it is!”.

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