Home > avoidant, therapy-spring11 > At my own pace

At my own pace

February 26, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

A girl who attended for a whole semester group therapy with me about 2 or 3 semesters ago is back in a group therapy with me. She said that she was amazed how better I look compared to the last time she saw me. She could notice the differences, she could notice that I made some progress, that I appear more open, that I’m smiling, crack jokes here and there and talk more easily. She had no particular reason to talk about me, she said what she thought and she thought my situation has improved. As I agree with her, I accepted her compliment and well, that’s what I do mainly during these group therapy, I realize how much I’m better than before, I become more aware of all the things I went through, all the things I’ve achieved and also, all the things I’m working on. It’s a work in progress. It’ll be a work in progress for all my life, like for everybody. But I have to admit that these sessions boost my mood and my self-esteem, self-confidence, well, my self-Everything. It feels good, it’s much appreciated.

You know, I begin to realize only now, that even this depends on me. I remember during last session, I said something like “I don’t like myself” and one therapist answered to that that I wouldn’t be there, I wouldn’t have pushed my limits and gone to all these sessions (I only missed one (I was in Las Vegas) in 6 semesters) and decided to get out of my comfort zone if I didn’t care and didn’t like myself. It never occurred to me that despite my conviction that I don’t like myself, I actually do. And it wasn’t the first time that the (poor) therapist told me that but it’s the first time that I listened to him. It seems that, no matter what you tell me, I’ll process it only when I’ll be ready and willing to process it. I did that before, with the Avoidant Personality Disorder; it was only when I was fed up of them telling me that I didn’t have this disorder that I accepted the idea that maybe maybe they were right. Why don’t I listen to them and use my brain in real time and not have an epiphany several months later.

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