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Posts Tagged ‘book’

Think positive

December 15, 2016 Leave a comment

think50 exercices pour penser positif” ( 50 exercises to think positive). So far I’ve done the first 5 exercises. They show me how I think, whether I need to do those exercises or not. I’m pretty sure I need to do all of them. Once I get to know myself a little better, I’ll do exercises to: analyze my approach to life, discover the origin and nature of my feelings, find solutions to stop some bad habits (like those nasty ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)), boost my self-esteem, etc.. If only it could work, it would be awesome.

I am already aware of my ANTS and fight them… sometimes.. not always..and therefore it is useless… because they always come back. And we all now that negativity is contagious! But I don’t lose hope and keep on trying to be more positive…come on, let’s do it! 130 more pages!

Xmas presents

August 8, 2016 Leave a comment

It’s August! Time for me to show you what I olafgot this past Christmas – although we all agreed that there would be no present. But my father couldn’t resist the temptation. And I suspect that he got me what HE wanted to get for Christmas.

  • a book “Give me a hug” (from Frozen)
  • a little Olaf (from Frozen)
  • a  green lightsaber toothbrush that can light up (see the link).

And to answer your questions, no, I am not a child nor a teenager but a grown up.

 

Book review

March 9, 2016 Leave a comment

As I wrote in a previous post, I read “Imaginary Crimes: Why We Punish Ourselves and How to Stop” ( by Lewis Engel and Tom Ferguson) and it was a real waste of time. The way this book is written gives me the feeling that the authors were paid by the word. The first six, seven chapters are nothing but a long list of examples of what they call ‘imaginary crimes’. Nothing else but examples. See by yourself :

  •  « « I’m too selfish, » «  I don’t really care about other people, » « I’m lazy or undisciplined, » « I’m afraid of responsibility, » « I’m not smart enough ».. » (p.34)
  • « …If they say we are selfish, uncaring, unintelligent, unattractive, needy, lazy, crazy, or otherwise deficient, we may well grow up believing them. […] we may believe that we are not important, not worthwhile, not lovable, not attractive, not caring, or not intelligent. » (p.48)
  • « We may believe that we have inform deficits of intelligence, morality, attractiveness, or lovableness. Or we may believe that we are cowardly, ugly, mediocre, or simply not important. […] we may have been told that we were stupid, shameful, or disgusting… » (p.89)

Personally, when I read such a list of negative features, I think they are directed to me and therefore I am all of the above.

One of the most troubling thing in this book is that, according to the author, all the small things said in one’s childhood by our kin are the source of your issues.

  • « …we discover that we were over controlled, neglected, exploited, or physically or sexually abused, we must face these facts. For it is only by understanding what happened to us as children that we can come to understand – and can begin to absolve ourselves of – our imaginary crimes » (p.52)

That’s it ! Our parents are responsible of our unhappiness. If that was that easy… and true… Come on ! The authors also stand against all the methods used to fight Automatic Negative Thoughts (such as « I am lazy, I am ugly ») because, still according to them, the methods treat the symptoms of the problem, not the source of the problem. Oh and did I mention that they do not offer any solution to stop punishing ourselves. So they do not want to fight the symptoms and offer very very little help to fight the cause. Indeed, their ‘solution’ is to convince ourselves that we are happy ( « be happy ») , and we need to « do an introspection ». But HOW ?! ..  I cannot objectively consider this as a real solution ; it is so vague !

No really, I wasted my time with this book.

I punish myself

February 24, 2016 Leave a comment

Okay, so here’s how i react in some situations. My father admitted to do the same sometimes… so it’s a little reassuring.

For example, my car has a technical problem: it makes a strange noise. I tell it to my parents and go to a garage to have my car fixed. When I get my car back from the garage, it still makes a strange noise. :-/   My parents notice it too and they start to complain about the garage; that they did a bad job, that they are useless, etc. all this in my presence. What’s wrong with me is that I feel that their complaints are directed at me – in my mind they are complaining about me to me. It’s already difficult to be okay when you know that others have reasons to be upset at you but they deliberately tell you that they are unsatisfied (with  you) it’s not easy to cope with the situation.

I know I am not responsible – I did my part: I took my car to the garage, but still, I can’t help it, I feel like my parents were complaining about me right in front of me and that hurts a lot. A lot.

There’s a book entitled “Imaginary Crimes: Why We Punish Ourselves and How to Stop” (written by Lewis Engel and Tom Ferguson), available in French as “Ces gens qui se sentent coupables“. Maybe I should have a look at it.

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Second Time Around

January 19, 2016 Leave a comment

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Second Time Around. Tell us about a book you can read again and again without getting bored — what is it that speaks to you?”

It’ll be Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Choderlos de Laclos.

I really love this book because it shows how sly and manipulative people can be, just for the please of hurting others. Where is the glory in all this ? Well, I won’t give any spoiler if you don’t know the plot, but there’s a lot to learn from their sophisticated game. Indeed, they even made an art out of it. And there are so many innocent people who fell in their traps ; they can’t understand why (just because!) they have been used.

I read this book several times and the best line isbad people « War, then » (letter CLIII) when one mean woman, without mentioning any name (Marquise de Merteuil), declares war to another manipulator; just for their ego, they want to prove to each other that they are the Best manipulative, sly and devious person. They are snakes. It’s a question of reputation, of self-esteem and it’s a fight in which the innocents suffer with the guilty ones; no one is spared. They compete against each other, compare their hunting trophies, to see who is the meanest.

These people seem to be expert at what they do, they deploy all their skills in order to reach their goal : destroy a person : break their reputation, humiliate them and make sure they won’t recover from these blows before long.

What speaks to me in this Awesome book? Maybe the fact that people can be evil just for the fun of it. And also all the word plays and double-meanings used by the two main characters of this book, especially when Valmont writes a love letter on a “out of the ordinary” “table” (letter XLVII ← a masterpiece). It’s a pure joy to see how cunning they can be.

Some exercises about self-esteem

December 15, 2015 Leave a comment

petit cahier dededsMy mother bought « Petit cahier d’exercices d’estime de soi » (little exercise book on self-esteem) for me when I was trying to recover from my depression, several years ago.

It is a fun little exercise book with almost everything from definitions (of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-affirmation, self-image, self-concept, etc.), exercises, drawings, puzzles (to relax) but –  yes, there is a ‘but’ – it seems that the authors did not take into account the fact – and it may sound stupid – that the readers of this book might have a very very low self-esteem. Why do I say that ?

Because there are several exercises I can’t do and questions I can’t answer.

For instance, I can’t give an answer to the question « according to your friends, what are your qualities ? ». I don’t have friends. I have acquaintances. Very few acquaintances. Less than five. I’m not good at making/keeping friends. The only person I see in France besides my mother and my father is a girl I met 15 years ago. Last time we met it was in May. More than 6 months ago. Since then, she sent me one or two text messages in September. She is the person I see the most. Actually, she is the only one I know in France. Not great, I know, but that’s me. So, it’s a little saddening not to be able to answer to this question ; it reminds you that you don’t have friends.

Another example : The question « how many people are close enough to you so that you can confide in them ? » is followed by seven lines avaible to write down the name of seven people. I have my mother and my father…and I don’t really want to completely confide in them…

There’s also « name 10 qualities you have ». If I find one I’ll be happy ! Come on, you can’t ask this question to people with a low self-esteem, unless you want to worsen their situation.

And the famous « make a list of all the people who have/had a bad influence on your self-esteem » In my modest opinion, it is not the best thing to do, even if after you’re asked to cross out these names. Writing these names remind you of them, of all of them at once and, even crossing out their names does not make you feel better in any way.

To sum up, you feel worse after than before openning this exercise book. And that’s not normal.

To make up your own opinion about this little excercise book about self-esteem, here’s the first 12 pages… in French of course.

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In the past…

October 6, 2015 Leave a comment

If you take a look at my calendar you’ll see that I haven’t posted for almost 2 years. I have a good explanation: I moved out.
Even before moving out I knew I wouldn’t like it at all. And I didn’t move out from one side of the city to the other (like an acquaintance for whom it was the end of the world!) but from the U.S. to my country which is *just* across the Atlantic Ocean. Not far at all. >.<
Since I spent 10 years in the U.S., with time I had accumulated quiet some stuff : furnitures (of course), a vacuum, a TV set, a printer, a sofa, a car… but I was always aware that I wouldn’t stay for ever in this country so I tried not to buy anything unnecessary like a tent or a bike. The only “real” furniture I bought was a table; a colleague gave me two old shelves and a very old coffee table. Everything else was made of plastic, like the stuff students buy when they go live on campus. Cheap stuff. I left in the U.S. everything but the sofa and two plastic storages – the table was way too large for me to keep it and even my bed, I couldn’t keep my bed because American and European beds don’t have the same sizes. If I wanted to bring my bed in Europe I would have to keep on buying all the bedclothes in the U.S., which wouldn’t be convenient.
Moreover it was totally useless to pack my lamps, toaster, TV set, printer…To make it short, everything with a plug would stay in the U.S. Why ? Because the two countries do not use the same voltage. Therefore I had to sell (thanks Craig’s List), discard or give away all my electrical devices.moving day

At last, I had tons of books I read for my studies. Book that I had to read, not for fun and that I never plan on reading again in my life : poetry, medieval stuff, etc… I couldn’t sell them even to my university and nobody I knew was interested in reading “Yvain, the Knight of the Lion“, “Décaméron” or collections of poems. I wonder why?! So, I threw away most of these books. I had to pack “light” and books are everything but light. So, I kept a few of them in a small, heavy cardboard.

To be continued.

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