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Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

Think positive

December 15, 2016 Leave a comment

think50 exercices pour penser positif” ( 50 exercises to think positive). So far I’ve done the first 5 exercises. They show me how I think, whether I need to do those exercises or not. I’m pretty sure I need to do all of them. Once I get to know myself a little better, I’ll do exercises to: analyze my approach to life, discover the origin and nature of my feelings, find solutions to stop some bad habits (like those nasty ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)), boost my self-esteem, etc.. If only it could work, it would be awesome.

I am already aware of my ANTS and fight them… sometimes.. not always..and therefore it is useless… because they always come back. And we all now that negativity is contagious! But I don’t lose hope and keep on trying to be more positive…come on, let’s do it! 130 more pages!

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Ted

October 19, 2016 Leave a comment

Yesterday, I watched this Ted talk  and it is very inspiring and interesting like all the Ted talks I’ve watched so far. If you have never watched a Ted talk, or even if you have..watch this one. You’ll be impressed.

ted

You can find a direct link to the website Ted on my sidebar. Go have a look, you’ll surely find fascinating presentations.

Book review

March 9, 2016 Leave a comment

As I wrote in a previous post, I read “Imaginary Crimes: Why We Punish Ourselves and How to Stop” ( by Lewis Engel and Tom Ferguson) and it was a real waste of time. The way this book is written gives me the feeling that the authors were paid by the word. The first six, seven chapters are nothing but a long list of examples of what they call ‘imaginary crimes’. Nothing else but examples. See by yourself :

  •  « « I’m too selfish, » «  I don’t really care about other people, » « I’m lazy or undisciplined, » « I’m afraid of responsibility, » « I’m not smart enough ».. » (p.34)
  • « …If they say we are selfish, uncaring, unintelligent, unattractive, needy, lazy, crazy, or otherwise deficient, we may well grow up believing them. […] we may believe that we are not important, not worthwhile, not lovable, not attractive, not caring, or not intelligent. » (p.48)
  • « We may believe that we have inform deficits of intelligence, morality, attractiveness, or lovableness. Or we may believe that we are cowardly, ugly, mediocre, or simply not important. […] we may have been told that we were stupid, shameful, or disgusting… » (p.89)

Personally, when I read such a list of negative features, I think they are directed to me and therefore I am all of the above.

One of the most troubling thing in this book is that, according to the author, all the small things said in one’s childhood by our kin are the source of your issues.

  • « …we discover that we were over controlled, neglected, exploited, or physically or sexually abused, we must face these facts. For it is only by understanding what happened to us as children that we can come to understand – and can begin to absolve ourselves of – our imaginary crimes » (p.52)

That’s it ! Our parents are responsible of our unhappiness. If that was that easy… and true… Come on ! The authors also stand against all the methods used to fight Automatic Negative Thoughts (such as « I am lazy, I am ugly ») because, still according to them, the methods treat the symptoms of the problem, not the source of the problem. Oh and did I mention that they do not offer any solution to stop punishing ourselves. So they do not want to fight the symptoms and offer very very little help to fight the cause. Indeed, their ‘solution’ is to convince ourselves that we are happy ( « be happy ») , and we need to « do an introspection ». But HOW ?! ..  I cannot objectively consider this as a real solution ; it is so vague !

No really, I wasted my time with this book.

Some exercises about self-esteem

December 15, 2015 Leave a comment

petit cahier dededsMy mother bought « Petit cahier d’exercices d’estime de soi » (little exercise book on self-esteem) for me when I was trying to recover from my depression, several years ago.

It is a fun little exercise book with almost everything from definitions (of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-affirmation, self-image, self-concept, etc.), exercises, drawings, puzzles (to relax) but –  yes, there is a ‘but’ – it seems that the authors did not take into account the fact – and it may sound stupid – that the readers of this book might have a very very low self-esteem. Why do I say that ?

Because there are several exercises I can’t do and questions I can’t answer.

For instance, I can’t give an answer to the question « according to your friends, what are your qualities ? ». I don’t have friends. I have acquaintances. Very few acquaintances. Less than five. I’m not good at making/keeping friends. The only person I see in France besides my mother and my father is a girl I met 15 years ago. Last time we met it was in May. More than 6 months ago. Since then, she sent me one or two text messages in September. She is the person I see the most. Actually, she is the only one I know in France. Not great, I know, but that’s me. So, it’s a little saddening not to be able to answer to this question ; it reminds you that you don’t have friends.

Another example : The question « how many people are close enough to you so that you can confide in them ? » is followed by seven lines avaible to write down the name of seven people. I have my mother and my father…and I don’t really want to completely confide in them…

There’s also « name 10 qualities you have ». If I find one I’ll be happy ! Come on, you can’t ask this question to people with a low self-esteem, unless you want to worsen their situation.

And the famous « make a list of all the people who have/had a bad influence on your self-esteem » In my modest opinion, it is not the best thing to do, even if after you’re asked to cross out these names. Writing these names remind you of them, of all of them at once and, even crossing out their names does not make you feel better in any way.

To sum up, you feel worse after than before openning this exercise book. And that’s not normal.

To make up your own opinion about this little excercise book about self-esteem, here’s the first 12 pages… in French of course.

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Self-esteem

November 30, 2015 Leave a comment

Okalow self esteemy I need to boost seriously my self-esteem. Although I had group therapy for three or four years, several years ago, my self-esteem never reached a satisfying level. The therapy sessions helped me to get it back to its normal level – I mean ‘my’ normal level of self-esteem which is pretty low. It’s low to the point that it affects both my personal and professional life.

Personal because I can’t conceive that somebody would like or appreciate me since I don’t like or appreciate myself. If I allow somebody to get close to me (which never occurred so far) this person, in order for me to believe, accept or trust him/her would have to not like me. And who wants such a person close to oneself ? I’m not sure I’m clear. Since I don’t like myself, if someone pretends to like me, I would automatically think that this person is a liar, suspicious or sneaky.
It always makes me hop mad when I hear girls say  “yes, I have a very low self-esteem ..but my boyfriend/ my husband/my partner… ” !! How the Hell can you have both a low self-esteem and allow somebody in your private sphere ?!? These two things are totally incompatible. Totally. It’s exactly like looking at a vegan eat a chicken. You can’t think “oh, I’m stupid, I’m ugly” and at the same time be with somebody who tells you the exact opposite (“you’re beautiful”, “you’re smart”..). If you really have low self-esteem you would consider these words as nothing else but lies. Who wants to be around a permanent liar ? I don’t get it. I don’t. Or maybe it’s just that my self-esteem is much lower than theirs.

Professionally, because I always feel unqualified, unskilled, that nobody would ever been interested in working with me or would want me to work for them. For instance, this past week, I was very anxious about a part-time job I was offered: teach English to two French kids. For an entire week, I felt sick because I thought I would never be able to do it. I almost called the company to tell them that I wasn’t the one for this job. It is also extremely difficult for me to prospect for a job, any job since I really think deep inside that I’m worthless and that I can’t do anything right. I do not exaggerate.

So yes, I desperately need an effective way to boost my self-esteem.

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